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Gracious, Child! Don’t Look Directly Into The Trunk.
Grandma, Grandma! Tell me a story!
Well...okay honey. Sit right down by your old grandma and I'll tell you a tale.
Now...let's see. Did I ever tell you about the Blizzard of '43? It got so cold your Grandpa and I had to wear hats and mittens. Brrrrr! It all started when.....
What? Oh, you've heard that one before? Fifteen times already? Okay then....how about a story from the Swinging Sixties? Let's see....your mama was dating some boy who looked just like Jesus and your Grandpa and I were fit to be tied. Now, the two of them ran off to San Francisco where they.....eh? You've heard that one too? Oh. Hang on dearie....Grandma's thinking.
I've got it!
Sweet girl, have I ever told you about the Early Eighties? Oh child, it was a troubling time! The country was being run by a dang peanut farmer and everything was just going to hell in a handbasket. What's a handbasket? Never mind that. Now! As I was saying, that Carter fellow was in the office and the disco dancing was on it's way out and our poor country was in a gloomy state! We needed some cheering up! So, we turned to crochet. That's right! Crochet. We crocheted everything we could think of, all in the most garish colors we could find. Oh yes....pillows, teddy bears, clowns, frogs, butterflies, fake crayons...nothing went untouched.
What's that, honey? Do I still have any of these things? You want to see them? Well, okay then precious, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Grandma! WOW! You...made all of this?
Land sakes child, I made all of that crap and then some! This here is a whole trunkful of ideas.
Grandma...I....I think my eyes are starting to hurt.
Hmm? Your poor old grandma is getting a bit of a headache just looking at all this, think I'll go rest for a spell. What's that? You don't feel so good either? There's a burning sensation in your eyeballs? And your stomach feels queasy? Mmm hmm.....that's what I was afraid of. Let's skedaddle out of here and I promise you'll never have to look at that old Crochet Trunk again.
Oh Grandma, you're THE BEST!
Posted by Mary on July 19, 2005 | Permalink
Comments
Note there is a crochet clown in the trunk ... these clowns keep popping up all over this site. Almost as creepy as the clown in "It"
I love this site! Keep up the good work and the great humor.
Posted by: Vi | Jul 19, 2005 4:04:11 PM
That is a scary scene. What was up with the horrid yarn colors back then? Thanks for the great posts!
Posted by: Milly | Jul 19, 2005 4:06:01 PM
Congrats on being a Yahoo!Pick.
http://picks.yahoo.com/picks/i/20050617.html
Posted by: dimestore lipstick | Jul 19, 2005 4:14:49 PM
Where's the toilet paper cozy? I just know there's a toilet paper cozy in there someplace.
Posted by: Marcia | Jul 19, 2005 4:49:21 PM
I don't know where the toilet paper cozy is, but I'm a bettin' that the gawd awful crochet angel is a vibrator cozy!! And what's that in the pump jar? KY??
Posted by: toiletpaper | Jul 19, 2005 4:57:12 PM
What's scary is that this is a newsletter. Every month is like that. How many more trunks...? Where does it end??
Posted by: Yorkshire Gal | Jul 20, 2005 2:43:35 AM
Haehaehe, it's the crochet trunk of DOOOOOOOM! ;)
Posted by: Harmony | Jul 20, 2005 6:25:24 AM
Nope, this is completely a product of Reaganomics
Posted by: Colleen | Jul 20, 2005 7:15:03 AM
I want to know why the little girl isn't wearing anything crocheted. I mean, her grandma has on that "lovely" shawl and all...poor little tyke!
Posted by: Sheila | Jul 20, 2005 7:36:08 AM
Now the little tyke can start unraveling all of those goodies and tie Grandma up real tight with the yarn.
Posted by: Cindy | Jul 20, 2005 10:38:29 AM
That woman a Granny? No way. Try Great or Great Great. Grandmothers are 40 to 60 and many of them are hot! There is no shame in growing old, but marketing people insist that any woman over 40 is decrepit.
Posted by: Kate's Mom | Jul 20, 2005 10:46:05 AM
I don't know. Personally, I think that Great Great Granny up there is kind of hot.
But then I always did like a little junk in the trunk.
Posted by: David | Jul 20, 2005 3:31:03 PM
I see the little girl has a glazed, far-away look in her eyes, like she just can't take any more crochet!
Posted by: LJ | Jul 21, 2005 5:11:51 PM
Carter was president in the late 70s. Reagan was elected in 1980. And grandmothers can be over 60 without being great-grandmothers -- mine is. No one in my generation has had kids yet. (My oldest cousin is not quite 30; my yougest is...13 or 14, I think.)
Posted by: Nolly | Aug 25, 2005 11:28:30 AM
why do people take things so literally? Who cares about the details.. if she's really a grandma.. its freaking funny.. .stop analyzing it.. sheesh....
Posted by: monica | Feb 28, 2006 7:38:03 AM
Instead of a crocheted vase with crocheted flowers and a crocheted yellow bow wrapped around them, why not a real vase with real flowers and an actual bow?? I don't understand the point behind crocheted crayons AT ALL.
Posted by: Lois | May 28, 2006 1:22:23 AM
i just want to know why there's a bottle of lotion on the floor?!? ::cries::
Posted by: nyghte shadow | Jul 29, 2006 2:30:49 PM
