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Fantasizing Is A Perfectly Healthy And Normal Activity.
Two examples of "Fantasy Crochet" from a mid-70s crochet book.
In the first, I fantasize that a large crochet bird has is flying overhead and has just shat upon an innocent bystander. The women stands calmly, waiting for the bus that will take her home. She will take a shower to wash the droppings off and then she will have a pudding cup and watch a rerun of "Matlock."
In the second - I fantasize a sort of "Buffalo Bill" type scenario...the victim trapped in basement well while her captor forces her to don his original crocheted creations. She cries and pleads for mercy but he won't relent.
"It puts the crochet on its skin or else it gets the hook again."
"Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the hook!"
Posted by Mary on April 24, 2006 | Permalink
Comments
Do you know, I keep looking at that first one, and there is just nothing else it can possibly be other than a giant spray of birdshit. Is it explained in the book? The fantasy book? The disturbing, forbidden fantasy book? Shudder.
Posted by: jac | Apr 24, 2006 11:28:27 AM
It like she just got arrested for being a public eyesore and those are her mugshots. As a crocheter, I am baffled as to why anyone would spend so much time and effort making those...those...things!
Posted by: Karla | Apr 24, 2006 11:42:17 AM
For once I am at a complete loss for words!!
Posted by: hotfarmerswife | Apr 24, 2006 12:09:30 PM
Having just cleaned up after a sick child, I can't help but wonder how difficult it will be to get the crochet droppings out of the shower drain.
Posted by: SageHen | Apr 24, 2006 1:12:59 PM
Those look like the shaman headdresses that the high priest and priestess are supposed to wear while re-enacting ancient Cro-Magnon fertility rituals using a Venus of Willendorf replica that is cleverly crafted out of old pantyhose. I just bet there is a crochet pattern for the matching loin-cloth somewhere.
These headdresses would also be appropriate barbarian attire to wear when attending a pantyhose Thunderdome cage fight.
Posted by: Sputnik | Apr 24, 2006 1:43:53 PM
Oh my god! Buffalo Bill, indeed! And all the while, Dr. Hannibal Lecter sits calmly in his cell, knitting a tasteful ivory cardigan for Clarice. Quid pro quo, Clarice. Quid pro quo.
The only thing that could possibly redeem those headpieces (I don't know if they're hoods, hats, or gods only know what) is the addition of googly eyes.
Posted by: James | Apr 24, 2006 2:01:38 PM
hmm, both models r guys. they r being tortured by southern baptists 2 make them change "orientation" bcos as we all know u pick tha 1 u wanna b, rite oral ( good name )roberts?
Posted by: d34dpuppy | Apr 24, 2006 2:21:52 PM
Well, I guess that's one way to keep your ears warm.
And what's the gauzy, hairy strange stuff sticking out from the bottoms of the *things*? Be scared. Be very scared.
omg.
Posted by: beastarzmom | Apr 24, 2006 2:34:49 PM
And I thought the pantyhose stuff was fairly disturbing ... makes you wonder if anyone actually made and wore this stuff! Can't you just see Disco Don doing the Hustle at the Dancing Inferno wearing one of these things?
Posted by: Vina | Apr 24, 2006 2:51:01 PM
The horror...the horror...
Posted by: Courtney | Apr 24, 2006 3:14:48 PM
I am Lothar of the Hill People! Much have I have seen, and much have I done, for I am Lothar of the Hill People!
My woman makes hideous garments of wool and goatskin with hooks and needles of bone. She calls them "crochet" and claims the fierce warriors of Sumeria wear garments such as these into battle to frighten their opponents. But when I invited my fellow warriors to the hut for a game of sticks and rocks, they mocked the strange garments my woman made with her hooks of bone. I told my woman I would wear her garments no longer. Then she threw my personal collection of sacred relics and amulets out of the hut with great force! I may be Chieftan of all the Hill People, but my woman is ruler of the hut! I do battle with my woman, and lose. I will do battle with my woman, and win.. and yet, I still lose! It vexes me!
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
(My apologies to Mike Meyers and SNL! I just couldn't help myself!)
Posted by: Sputnik | Apr 24, 2006 3:49:01 PM
What do you suppose a bird could have eaten to make it crap like that?
Posted by: Marcia | Apr 24, 2006 4:29:04 PM
Oh, my God--he's crocheting himself a girl suit!!!!
Posted by: mom2fur | Apr 24, 2006 4:45:46 PM
The individual on the left is fantasizing that she(?) is a great tree of the forest bulging with fungus.
On the right, a model imagines that a turkey-pattern tea cozy--complete with real bird feathers--has burst forth from just behind his right ear!
Won't somebody please help these people? Any psychiatrists in the room?
Posted by: Allen | Apr 24, 2006 4:56:11 PM
bwwwwaaaaahhhaaaahhhaaaaaaaaa
Love the SOTL reference. I also agree that the first one looks like a pile of birdshit. I wanna know how much acid these people were on when they designed this crap. hehehehe
Posted by: Becky | Apr 24, 2006 5:00:04 PM
I think it's some kind of fake dreadlock get-up,with fake sheep-skin cape, so the twins could go out and get candy on Haloween night with the rest of the kids and not catch their death of cold.. after a long day of laying around smoking ganja,they have got the halooween munchies. "Oh mamma, please can Bobsy and I go out trick or treating tonight?" "Not unless you wear those nice warm hats I knitted you last Christmas." "Oh, momma, do we have to? Please, not the hats mamma, anything but those hats! Mamma you know the 100 pound canary shat on mine!It smells funny." "get goin' you darn kids, before I send the knit dracula after you....and don't eat all the milk duds on the way home".
Posted by: Daffy Crafty | Apr 24, 2006 6:54:40 PM
The acid that was floating around in the 1970s was really strange stuff. The one on the left is a dream vision of a vanilla ice cream cone, covered with chocolate sauce, with a dollop of whipped cream on top. The one on the right is a dream vision of Rosanne Rosannadanna being attacked by six medium sized woodpeckers.
I hesitate to point out, though, that the 1970s was also the decade that brought us Fantasy Island. Stuff like this makes you wonder just what Hervé Villechaize was doing on his off hours...
Posted by: Kathryn | Apr 24, 2006 7:23:00 PM
I have never been more ashamed of being a crocheter than I am right now...
And the secret is - these 2 poor destitute models are actually fantasizing about thier own deaths! What could be worse than this? Holy bird crap, Batman! What was that?
Posted by: Tami | Apr 24, 2006 8:35:32 PM
i come here for many reasons. none of them is "to be shocked" or "left mouth so agape i can't finish my diet dr. pepper without jeopardizing the graphic on my $50 t-shirt". honestly, to create this and then have a model pose for a photograph of it?? i am shocked and appalled.
Posted by: -cj- | Apr 25, 2006 12:17:43 PM
I am totally at a loss for words...
Posted by: cp | Apr 25, 2006 7:01:49 PM
These guys could *totally* bond with Ken!
Posted by: Liz | Apr 25, 2006 7:58:09 PM
Fuck a duck. Gaaaah!
Other than that little outburst, I'm speechless.
I shall go lie down and cry myself to sleep now.
Posted by: severina | Apr 26, 2006 8:50:13 PM
These patterns tempted me to learn to crochet, I already knit hats with peculiar and humourous characteristics.
Posted by: susan | Apr 28, 2006 7:26:44 AM
And I thought my friend's crocheted woman's torso with the stomach left open for a plant was weird.
Millions of Native Americans are spinning in their graves. Spinning at mach speed.
Posted by: allison | Apr 29, 2006 1:06:47 PM
the deeply vested yet unyankable modernity and smoooth fillagirgy of the pieces is truly harvested in sentient lightness! don't you think?
Posted by: SwanDiamondRose | Apr 30, 2006 6:15:05 PM
um, yeah, hi. It's me again. I would totally wear both of these!! But then again, at this point, it's expected of me. I'm like a chartered geek who discovered their radical boho gypsy ruttz of late.
Posted by: Shelley Noble | May 2, 2006 2:22:21 AM
Excuse me, Shelley, I ask you politely, just where would you choose to wear one of these? Keeping in mind you only have one shot at it and they lock you up for shock treatments. Disturbing the peace. Witness abuse. Plan carefuly, dear girl, plan carefully. And wouldn't it be kind of warm this time of year anyway? Would you wear it naked like the guy on the right? Or with your brown velvet vintage cloak like the guy on the left?
Posted by: Daffy | May 5, 2006 9:09:49 AM
Why . . . one would wear one (okay, maybe not the bird crap homage), to San Francisco's Hallowed Halloween festival ~ The Exotic Erotic! With, naturally, the matching cod piece ~ feather bedecked and color-coordinated! T'would be a show stopper!
Posted by: Kj | May 17, 2006 11:16:39 AM
Someone tell matthew barney, quick.
Posted by: James | May 22, 2006 12:26:48 PM
would anyone be willing to sell a pantyhose doll made entirely from unwashed hose?
Posted by: avallone | May 23, 2006 11:09:39 PM
please don't let pantyhose craft week end... just one more week...
Posted by: avallone | May 23, 2006 11:16:10 PM
Okay, after seeing those two examples of crochet horror, I want to see more! The others from the book can't possibly be as bad as those, right? Unless there's a burnt-orange one shaped like an owl with wooden spoons woven into it...but no, I don't think even that would be as bad as the giant-bird-poop one up there.
Posted by: Lois | Jun 3, 2006 10:52:49 AM
Umm ... Could you please post the title of the book that these pictures came from? Thanks!
Posted by: jody | Jul 26, 2006 8:21:02 PM
my 1st girlfriend used to wear white school shirts without a tie,& done up to the top.She also had on very short A line skirts,that hardly covered,her bottom.This schoolgirl look was so sexy,&was made better with very high heels.The shirt was made of Bri-nylon,& the collar tended to turn up at the ends.Often she would wear the look with knee high fresh white socks.Selotape was hidden used to keep the socks up.She knew i liked school shirts,& wore that look although varied,daily for the next 30years.She did become expert at buying the same look in different colours,&slight variations on the style.However the shirts allways remained buttoned up,&skirts micro.She ownes no skirts or shorts longer than 12 to 15", even now that shes in her late 40 s.The shorts &hotpants are as skimpy as ever,&,is possible,considering common decency.Age does not seem a barrier.Family &friends,like the look & do not complaine,at all.She is still very fit if a few stone heavier.That inits self ensures the look is fine.Top shop remaines her favorite place to buy the very latest in teen fashion.School shirts can still be purchased in bri nylon,although expensive.She does have them made in all the coloures under the sun.White remaines my best colour,although pale blue is also nice.Tesco sells white school shirts,pack of 3 for £5. Top shop recently sold her a shorts bib set with braces,that with a red nylon shirt done up looks very sexy.Sometimes she wont wear the above unless,i also wear the same(allbeit i would put on short shorts)i have no problem with myself wearing the same look,&must admit it does make me feel very sexy.Especially when she puts me under pressure to do what she wants,in terms of clothes.I Tell every one that she made me wear those things,& they believe me.I especially like to wear high waisted shorts,with traditionall braces,with an shirt,buttoned up.I spend hours colour coding the clothes so that it all looks perfect,worn with high socks,&formal shoes,+cap.we jump at the oppertunity of dressing up for a school uniform fancy dress,& allways provide every one with the gear.Quite often the guests also wear the gear in the way the we wear it.Its easy if were hosting the party.IF some of the guests are a little larger,we just keep a small stock of school shirts,in larger sizes,@ £1. 50 a throw from tesco. I Do go on dont i................
Posted by: | Oct 15, 2007 5:57:48 PM
i used to & still do wear a crochet two piece swimming bikini,in rainbow colours.The bottom piece is cut boy style,& therefore doubles up as hot pants.When i was 20,it was small,size 10 &fitted.Over the years,its grew like me,&grows /expands,with each wear.Now 23 later,its size 14 & fits correct.Imust admit it is a little see through,& i wear it a lot because the nipples stick through the crochet bra,in the cold .I get a sexy feeling when I notice the men looking,at my breast,& also bottom cheecks,whenever I wear it. The bottoms are high,&finish3" below the breast line.I show 1" of cheek.I think thats because my bottoms dropped,that much,since i 1st bought the garment. Ive managed to buy a short summer coat top,in crochet,in a plain red colour.This goes with the hotpants perfectly.The coat is very short,&does cover the slightly expanding waist.The out fit is best worn with very high heels,in patent red.My legs are long,&longer with the heels.I Prefer shorts,which are an inch or so longer than the bikini,& as such sometimesi put the longer shorts on if i go to an posh evening do,often with clear tights. Sometimes when i wear the coat top,the bikini bottoms are mistaken by people who think that they are extremely short hotpants.The outfit seems to work well,if very tarty,especially at my age.I Feel much better when ive had a gin & tonic,&more so if younger men talking to me.Im told i look a lot younger than my years.Whilst i continue to get compliments like that i will continue to show a lot of leg,& a little bottom,in most circumstances.I Know im a little outrageouse,but often cannot help my self.Whenever i dress up normally,i just do not get the same sexy feelings,even if the clothes are expensive.Have i got a screw loose?During the daytime i go shopping in this and other similar gear.When i go to work,at a pub, my boss likes me to dress provocitive in the extreme,& dares me to put on ever daring outfits,involving hotpants/shorts/micros/platform boots/thigh,boots/low cut tops & so on.He does pay me more than the others,to do so.Im not meant to say.Do you think hes buying my services.IM very carefull who i go out with,& as such not as tarty as you might think...........yours jane
Posted by: Jane Goodwinj | Oct 17, 2007 11:03:27 AM
jane goodwins comments are interesting.I To wear several crochet suits dating back to the early 80 s.Both are in bright colours,& 3 piece,suits.1 has hot pants as short as janes,a small shirt style top& a short jacket.A Feature of these crochet suits is the way girls nipples if extended can sometimes show through.My husband likes me to dress very sexily whenever we go out together.If i am asked to dress this way i prefere,to be with my husband,due to the comments i get & the looks,from male&female.Often i get compliments.Men chat me up even when my husband is next to me,when i look sexy.1 set is in red,& the other light blue,with white ribbing.that one looks childish,&is my husbands favourite.There both veyy short,&Like janes do show a little bottom cheek.When ive had a drink or two I allow my husband to pull the hotpants up a bit to show 2" of bottom.I Used to wear these with platform thigh high red pointy boots,no tights.The platforms are now too tight,so I wear stilleto heels,with light brown tights.Some times i pluck up enough courage & wear high heeled sexy blue boots these days.during work time/day time I tone it down a bit,but still seem to attract a lot of attention.My husband preferes me in hotpants over micro skirts,although I like the skirts best.Skirts are worn skimming the buttocks,&allways with a thong in exactly the same colour as the skirt.Its just occured to me that i also own an crochet mini dress,in bright yellow also dating back to the early 80s.This is a line shaped,with wide sleeves,& a neat boyish collar.My husband likes the collar done up.he thinks i look younger,like that.Thats not so revealing,but feels just as sexy,when im out & about.Im in my late 40 s,& i suppose mutton dressed as lambe.I Dont care so long as my partner is pleased.Our sex life seems to benifit,from the style of my dressing.My friends & family seem to like the way i clothmyself. xxx Sue
Posted by: susan porter | Oct 18, 2007 7:28:34 AM
My husband read the last notices,& its got him going.Were going out tonight,to a plub(pub/nightclub)with a load of friends.hes asked Hme to dress tarty,to impress hes&my friends.Hes making me wear those blue crochet hot pant suit,with thigh high tall leather(patent)boots.Those hotpants show 2" of milky white cheeks.Im very pleased with my husbands order,& cant wait for this evening.I love it when he forces me into wearing sexy gear.Imust admit Iasked for it when i made hime read the last note to you.However hes got a shock coming,.Ive got together an shorts suit that hes going to wear,with a shirt,high socks,brogues,& a flat cap.the short shorts,have traditional,braces,attached,&shorts very high waisted.Im,going to make him wear the shirt done up to the neck,like he allways makes me wear.That will teach him.Hes a good sport,&ill know hell do it for me ,otherwise i wont do him any favours in the future. he can cope with my demands,& to date hasnt let me down.Were both as bad as each other.We like attention.Were,heading towards middle age,& seem to be getting,worse,instead of better,with age.We both keep very fit & can get away with dressing as above. xxx sue
Posted by: susan porter | Oct 19, 2007 11:45:21 AM
bonjour!
lortab http://lortab-quik.blogspot.com/ lortab
pour le moment
Posted by: kanadajohn | Dec 3, 2007 11:41:31 PM
