Threadbared

...I Fell On Some Ice And Was Later Thawed By Some Of Your "Pattern Manufacturers." Your World Frightens And Confuses Me.

It has been a firm policy here at Threadbared.com that we are against the callous mocking of young children.

We feel that such a low form of humor is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Wrong.

That said, when I recently looked at a certain child model in a certain knitwear booklet I had to put aside our policy and ask myself, "Where in the hell did they find these kids?

The boy on the right is no great shakes but it's the girl I find especially disturbing.

Maybe it's just the hair style but when I look at this photo I'm reminded of something. The late Phil Hartman was really pretty funny in those "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer" sketches on Saturday Night Live.

Tell Little Cindy Lou Not to Open Her Eyes Too Wide. Somebody's Gonna Need Those.

This is the exact moment at which the girls of Otis' Organic Orphan Farm discover that they are genetically engineered clones created to provide fresh, healthy organs to the wealthy masses.

They would later find out that normal kids with mommies and daddies don't eat mice from the horse barn for dessert.

'Cause I Got A Peaceful, Easy Feeling...

Times are hard these days. There's war and pollution and political unrest and really bad movies starring Adam Sandler. Sometimes you just need to take a break. A break for a little quiet, a little peace.

Sometimes you just want to sit in your wood-paneled den and gaze upon two white ceramic angels with gold-painted wings. And what makes that experience even better?

A hanging macrame planter, that's what.

Macrame planter + angels sitting on plate glass + wood paneling = Peace.

3 Dresses - 2 Girls = 1 Teacher's Pet

 

I don't know exactly what they teach at this so called "Ding Dong School," but I don't like the way Red's looking at me.

What Do Pirates Like To Make When They're Feeling Crafty?

They like to macrame hanging plantARRRRs! 

Sorry.

At any rate, this one is somewhat bizARRRRe (can't stop with the pirate jokes, am on a roll now). We've got a stuffed pirate doll. We've got a pewter solider/nutcrackARRRR figurine. We've got a first place trophy for the 1971 Skateboarding While Also Holding A Football championship, as well as a trophy for Walking On Top Of A Glass Barrel With Some Crap Inside It. And lording over the whole mess is this lovely hanging planter with what appears to be a boneless, skinless chicken breast floating inside it.

Oh, did you hear the one about the pirate who had to stop knitting?

Yeah, he found the activity to be very relaxing and enjoyable but after he lost his right hand to a crocodile it just got too hARRRRd for him to hold the needles.

Today's Threadbared Was Brought To You By The Letter "S"

"

S is for Slacker, who has not posted all week
S is Seagull, who eats fish with his...beak

S is for Silly, which this post might be
S is for just plain Senselessness, on which we can all agree

S is for Slapstick, which makes us all feel happy
S is for Saluki, a dog which is more graceful than it is scrappy

S is Sinking Ship, on which we feel we're on
S is for Julia Stiles, who gave birth to satan's spawn

S is for Sayonara, the weekend's almost here
S is for See You Suckers, I'm gonna go drink a beer