Threadbared

Ye Merry Olde Threadbarede.

 

Good eve, fair mistress. It is I, Halvdan The Tunic-wearer!

(sigh) How now, Halvdan. Thy tunic is indeed truly wondrous, so pleated and blousen it is.

Pray thee Theresa of Cambridge, hast thou ever seen a Croatian Shirt as pleasing to thy eyes?

N'er.

Forsooth! Perchance thou wouldst enjoy laying thou hand upon my sleeve?

Nay.

Yon chickens do cluck so merrily. Methinks they too find my tunic to be most splendid!

Verily. (rolls eyes)

Ah, pray pardon me for prating on about my wondrous tunic. But enow about me, let us speak of thou. What dost thou think of me?

I said, what dost thou...hark! Hark now! Where...where goest thou, fair maiden? Pray thee, do not scamper away so! I crave your pardon, return! Return!

What? What dost thou say? Thou thinks I art a...what?? Well, fie on thee, poxy harlot! Fie on thee!

Hmph. Why dost I always strike out with all the pretty maidens....

A Dingo Ate My Baby! Wait...Or Maybe That Was My Burrito He Ate.

Roy knew when he married Jenny that she wasn’t the smartest woman in the world.  She couldn’t do “hard math like subtraction”, open a bottle of Tylenol, or follow the plot of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode.  And she was always putting her head into the arm holes of her sweaters – even though he drew that diagram for her.  But she had plenty of other good qualities.  She made great untoasted toast.  She had incredible concentration.  She could stare at something shiny for hours.  Plus, she had a pretty decent rack. 

And when their first child was born, she loved him like crazy. There was only one problem.  She had the habit of confusing him with other things.  Once she gave a warm gentle bath to their VCR (which is not covered under warranty, by the way).  Then there was the afternoon that she took that dead possum to the park and pushed it on the swing  (park mommies can be so judgmental).  Ron didn’t think she was careless, just…well…a moron.  But his moron.  The moron mother of his child with the nice boobs. 

Still, when their second child was born he decided not to take any chances.  The day that Jenny figured out she was pregnant, Ron went out and bought an embroidery machine.  That gave him the remaining 3 months of her pregnancy to label everything in the house.

Threadbared: Up To Date On All The Current Fashions.

Linda waits and waits for fall

Her clothes are ready, no need for the mall

This year fashion statements will be a breeze

As soon as the temperature drops below 85 degrees

The money's spent, no turning back

Navajo print...it's the new black.