Threadbared

Everyone At The Country Club Was Starting To Have Second Thoughts About The New Tennis Pro.

"Like wow man, did you ever think about what a tennis ball really means, man? It's like, this cosmic orb, you know? And we just hit it, you know what I mean? Like, why are we being so aggressive towards a hollow yellow ball, man? Is it because we're all hollow inside? Whoah...this is like blowing my mind here.

I mean, we need to get back to nature, man. That's why we're were practicing out here in the field today, you know? Because it's natural. Because we need to be one with our court. We need to be one with the cosmos and one with the tennis ball. Oh man, this is like the grooviest job I've ever had, man..." 

Brenda's Friends Can't Help But Feel Intimidated Sometimes.

"Goodness! That Brenda sure is on the ball. I can barely leave the house with my shoes and handbag matching and here she's gone and coordinated her whole living room with the outfit she has on."

"I know! And she does it all with such effortless ease too!"

"Effortless ease - that's exactly what I was thinking! Now do you see why I never invite Brenda over for coffee at my house?"

Watch Out Boy She'll Chew You Up....

Suzanne knows that if she remains motionless for a long enough time she will eventually trap her prey. She will quickly enshroud him in her woolen yarns, thus quieting the death struggle. It is then that Suzanne will feed, sucking only the liquids out of her prey, leaving behind such indigestible materials as watches, belts and tube socks.

Threadbared Cleans House.

Hello! We'll be back with a new post tomorrow but first, may I please direct your attention to the handy dandy Ebay button to the right of this post?

Yes, I've been cleaning out my office and therefore I am thrilled to present you - yes YOU - with this exciting opportunity to buy old patterns! That's right, old patterns can be yours for the low, low price of fifty cents and up! Genuine old patterns! Guaranteed to smell vaguely musty!

"But Mary," you might be thinking. "Why in the world would I want to buy this stuff, these patterns that serve only as fodder for your mocking? Aren't they like, you know, all dumb-looking and stuff? I don't want to look dumb! Dumb is soooo out for 2007!"

Well, gentle readers, do you how often we get emails asking us where one might buy patterns for a crochet steering wheel cover or a macrame owl pattern or instructions for a life-sized pantyhose doll? Let's just say nothing surprises us anymore.

Also, while some of the patterns for sale might be a little...uh...questionable many others are in fact quite lovely. A lot of these patterns never made it onto the site or in the book because they are just too nice-looking. And the models don't look weird enough. And no one is holding a rubber duckie as a prop.

These Vogue Knitting booklets are particularly beautiful examples. And the Sunset Craft books are great, especially the Soft Toys book which has seriously cute stuff. Is it too early to start thinking about Christmas? Yes? Okay fine, how about Halloween?

If you might be interested in any specific pattern that's been on the site or in the book please email me and I'll let you know if it's up for grabs.

In order to avoid being inundated by hundreds of emails though - I'll go ahead and mention that this pattern is unfortunately not for sale. Sorry guys....

And The Award For Best Art Directing In A Knitwear Catalog Goes To....

Pauline Denham.

Yes, her again. The Pauline Denham of Little Tops Fame.

Time after time Pauline continues to impress us with her choice of hairstyles, makeup, posing and most importantly...props. Oh, and themes too. Like me, Pauline is a gal who enjoys her themes.

Can you spot the theme of this booklet from the cover?

Take your eyes off the model's Cinnabon-inspired hairdo for a second and look down at the bottom left corner. "Fairy Tale Book."

Oh dear.

Ta-daaaaa!

It's your fairy godsomething!

"I get three wishes? Well, first I'd like to pose beside a large fake pumpkin while wearing a mohair suit...."

I think there's supposed to be something about the Three Little Bears here but the model is totally not having it.

Oh look! It's...Little Green Riding...no, that's not it.

It's...it's..Robin Hood?

The Green Lantern?

I'm so confused right now.

Is there some fairy tale I'm not remembering? About a woman who fell deeply in love with a tree branch and lived happily ever after?

Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your...knitted coat with the enormously oversized buttons!

Once upon a time in a land far far away...Dr. Zaius chose a very special pattern model to help lead the revolution.

"And then one day the ugly rubber duckling turned into a beautiful latex swan....awww."

The End.